Male Species & The Balance Theory

I was feeling quite emotionally unstable for some days around two weeks ago. It was a severe instability from my part. I’m not sure whether it was my hormones, PMS or just a damn cliché mid-college crisis, but the restlessness really bugged me like hell. I couldn’t think rationally, act rationally or just being plain me. It was not about me being sad or frustrated – I just felt incomplete, useless and worried about something of which I had no idea of. Sounds familiar? Maybe it was after all a mid-college crisis. Or just the biological effect of having too much caffeine in my body. If marijuana can make us high, why can’t caffeine give a similar affect albeit in a negative way?

Anyway, I went to talk to my friends, Jane (bukan nama sebenar) and Bessie (again, not her real name) about my restlessness. And being the typical happy-go-lucky-from-the-outside persons they are, they advised me to find a guy – not just find, of course, but to involve myself in a romantic relationship with the opposite gender (I’m not sure whether they included lesbianism in that consultation session but it’s fine with me…). They told me that having a boyfriend would make a girl’s life more ‘balanced’. And I was quite intrigued with the statement. Balanced? How? Does it have something to do with our hormones or psychology? Romance does give us happiness but you all do realize that it’s only for temporary before the arguments and misunderstandings start kicking their way in? Loving someone doesn’t mean you’ll be happy with him. For more exploration on the subject, I suggest that you watch a very interesting film entitled “Vicky Christina Barcelona”, an amazing film concerning love and relationships of which literally blew my mind away.

Going back to the topic – boyfriends? What are they? What is the purpose of their existence? Of course the usual normal girlfriends would argue – “we love them. We enter into a relationship to make them our boyfriends because we love them and we want to commit ourselves to the person we love.” Are you sure about the love thingy? How do you even know that you love that person enough to enter into something as serious as a relationship with him? But wait, is a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship considered a serious thing by the general public? How do we exactly differentiate a puppy love and a serious one? Is it about the quantity of dates you go to, the common things you share together, the happy moments, the sad ones, which one?

Dear readers, how can you be sure that the romantic relationship you’re in is the ‘serious’ one?

Heck, how do you even know that this one is ‘the one’?

It’s all about games and gambles of life in the end of the day, is it not?

As a close friend to so many people who have been in more than five failed relationships – first one usually lasted more than a year, others less than four months – it is as if my ears are already trained to the theory of women and their need to have a male companion. Of course they never admit it but I see no denial every time the question of using the later boyfriend to get over the previous one was raised. As one of my mates said – “once we began to be in a relationship, we would be addicted to having someone by our side, someone to call and someone to text about our daily routines”. As all of you may know, I have never been in a romantic relationship. Therefore, I cannot help but to be constantly curious about the subject.

Bessie told me that the most rewarding thing for her being in a relationship is to have someone to love and hug us. Such happy thoughts! But is not that in abundance already? Our family – I’m sure some of them, at least, do love us and our friends are always there for us. However, what makes this love the girls have for their boyfriends different from the love they have for other ‘supposed’ group people?

Talking about feeling balanced - is feeling wanted equal to feeling balanced? Do we need to feel loved by someone outside the supposed scope of people [families, friends] in order to prove our worth and ability of being loved? To make us feel like we matter enough to be loved by them, whoever they may be? Vanity, though embarrassingly admitted, is a part of me and everyone else in this world. I want to feel important and at times, I like the idea of being the centre of the universe [in a good way, of course]. People know you and have different opinions about you – it makes you feel oh-so-unique. Having a boyfriend would most probably give the same effect. It makes you feel special. DANG! That’s the word – special. Hahahahaha. Even when we ourselves know that we’re just a species of dull and boring animals who are in need of some entertainment and drama to make our days bearable.

Going to the perspective of my other friend of whom I’d nickname Ella [not her real name. Everyone prefers to be anonymous nowadays], she is of the theory that man and women are created different so that they can complete each other. Of course my usual response would be “euwwww!” but then, all of us, in some corners of our mindset, do believe in such yet-unproven myth. Girls and guys are different. Period. Or so Ella said. Of course it is not that obvious from the appearance of it. Never ever judge someone’s feelings through their behaviour – most people don’t really express their true emotions and even have a hard time doing so.

However, is there such an equation between a guy and a girl in a relationship? Do they [the male species] make us feel different? Honestly coming from me – yes and absolutely.

Call it hormones, call it nature, and call it the electrical tension but there is just something enigmatic about the opposite sex.

Enigma.

We have been fed with tales of love and marriages since we were born – first through our parents, media and a bunch of other stuffs. We were raised up to have that kind of thinking that sooner or later we’d settle down with a happy family with that ‘destined one’. Then as we grew up, we are awakened to the realization that the opposite sex is just more than we can handle [not just for girls but for guys as well]. They function and think in a wholly different way than us – their whole system is like a new confusing subject to learn. That is when the curiosity appears. That is when the enigma happens. Some people choose to stick with the enigma and enter into relationships – some just ignore it and indulge themselves in other stuffs not as twisted as that.

Where the hell do I stand then? Do I believe that man and women complete and balance each other? No. Sorry to say but we do have to be realistic nowadays. Completion of oneself is a subjective issue. It depends on your way of thinking and your own rational mindset plus your desires and expectations in life. If you deadly so fatally wish to have that Mr Right in your life, then you need one – what else can we say? That is how your mindset is constructed. Yes, generally girls like guys but there are also common cases where girls suffer with guys in their lives that they are much better off without them anyway. It applies to both sexes. Why confine ourselves into this type of thinking? Let us allow ourselves to be free. Accept things the way they are. As I said, it is a subjective issue – balance may happen or imbalance may worsen. Tricking ourselves into believing in the balance theory is just another expectation yet to be fulfilled we impose upon to ourselves.

Don’t do that.

Relationships, not just between a guy and a girl, but between parents, siblings and friends are not that balanced anyway with some of them being almost dysfunctional. Therefore, what more can you expect from a ‘supposedly’ romantic one? Since when are relationships balanced? They are hardly so, dear readers, and they’re not going to be easier. But then, coming from a person who have yet to experience such privilege of experiencing it may render the statement not so quite solid.

Of course being a feministic-minded bitch that I am, I don't believe in such a balance theory. Yes, the male species does in a way make us feel different about ourselves but that doesn’t mean we need to rely on such theory to feel complete. I believe that balance can be achieved in many other ways – interests, confidence, quality times with the people we’re comfortable with and maybe with some help from the hormonal pills [who knows one day we might really need those shits?]. However, I still believe in emotions. So who knows one day my views would change radically. Woah, what a shocking and very much awaited day for my friends would it be!

No. Will never happen.

But then of course my friends would always reply – “never say never, Ruby!”