Yes, I am The Centre of The Universe!

A few months back, a guy in my class once made a comment which really annoyed my ass – he said and I quote, “Ruby must always be the centre of the universe, must she not?” This was due to my behaviour of where I placed my knapsack on an empty chair in the middle of the class right in front of the lecturer and basically blocked everyone’s way. It was not such a big deal for me but apparently, looking at it from other people’s perspective, such behaviour might constitute as being vain and self-important.

Hell, how was I supposed to know?

His comment faded away less than sixty seconds after the class and out of my system until a few days later where his still-very-annoying statement was proven to be, in a certain extent, quite true. I was attending my best friend’s brother’s huge wedding ceremony at the Kuantan mosque when I sprained my ankle and caused a brief chaos near the entrance door. The whole bridegroom’s family, who were supposed to be busying themselves with the wedding, ended up attending to my small injury. I was fine a few hours later but still, I somehow stole some parts of the newlyweds’ limelight by walking in such a careless manner.

I was at the back of the car with my best friend, Hana and her relatives, on our way home, when it suddenly hit me.

Was I really acting like I was ‘the centre of the universe’? Can such statement about me turn out to be true?


[Should I start wearing this t-shirt??]

I am a loud person. I am outspoken, giant-sized, love to curse and love to laugh to death. My friends have often informed me that almost the whole faculty knows my name (truthfully, I have no freaking idea about that!). My lecturer told me that he could hear my voice three hundred metres away. And I know only half the names of the people who know me in the lecture hall. Ruby Jusoh – that’s the name. A friend thought of me as the weirdest person he had ever met in his whole life. And I took that as a compliment. It basically means that I have qualities that other people don’t. It is a good thing to have a good opinion about yourself, right?

Right?

Okay, hmm...

Am I vain? Am I self-centred? Am I attention-crazed?

Maybe I really am. Maybe that’s the reason why I often thrive to be different from others. Maybe that is why I treasure my individualism very much. Because I want to be known. I refuse to be invisible. I want to be unique.

That is scary. I’m a self-centred bitch. Damn.

But wait! What if being ‘weird’ is actually out of my control? What If it is just part of my nature? Believe me, I’ve tried a thousand times trying to be quiet in class the whole day. Never work. My mouth would somehow find its way of talking – yadayadayada... I have received more than five warnings to shut up just this week alone – and it was Monday. What about cursing? You cannot really control that kind of thing. I personally believe that cursing is a good way to express your emotions in an instant manner instead of compressing them within yourself and letting out to others later. It is not wrong to curse; as long as you do it at the right place and the right time.

However, let us turn back to the issue of vanity and being the centre of the universe.

Why are some people more known to others? In every lecture halls, there must be at least three or four students who dare to speak their mind to the lecturers and face the focused stares from the other students. They argue with the lecturers, make some very brave comments concerning the subject and are not afraid of being laughed at should they commit any silly mistakes. What gives them such bravery? The desire to be the centre of the universe? No. I believe the answer is not about that. This kind of students – they stand out from others for having thoughts which define their selves and the will to voice them out. They are gifted with a degree of fearlessness which caused them to be admired by other people. The bravery to be ourselves and express our beliefs and emotions is a gift of which not everyone was born with.

Respect does not come to people with articulation and no knowledge but to people with knowledge and their willingness to share it.

We live in a competitive world. Smart people are everywhere. There are more than 200 students in my batch alone. Most of them have the CGPA above 3. Most of them speak English well. Most of them come from well-to-do family save from a few exceptions. There are times of where I feel insignificant and unimportant compared to those outstanding students who are known for their wits, intelligence, curricular activities and amazing family background.

Some people have it and some don’t. Sad thing indeed.

“Life is a race,” as my friend, Nadzi has always said, quoting from the Bolly film ‘3 Idiots’.

My father said and I quote, “you can do this. If obstacles come, just fight them and be stronger. I know you can surely overcome them.”

The race. The pressure. The stress. It’s either you prevail and become outstanding or just conform to the flow, become normal and end up suffocating and lost. That is why I am constantly trying to define what my university life is all about. Study is a huge part of it – thus I study my ass off to prevail in it. Intellctuallity nd knowledge are two most important things in my life. Monday to Thursday are filled with classes, Friday is the day to analyse cases, Saturday and Sunday are for revision – that is the basic idea I’ve always been trying to follow. Trying because I fail so much in doing it so many times.

But then, the ‘writer’ part of me surfaces at times and advises me to live life less hectically.

For now, I’m happy being the loud Ruby with the cursing tendency who loves to indulge in reading complicated books and hanging out with friends until four in the morning.

And yes, baby, I am the centre of the universe. My universe.