[WARNING:- This post is heavily triggered by the author's lack of sleep and raging PMS hormones. Reading is not advisable if you're a fan of enjoyable writing.]
Why? Because our real lives are made up of things we dislike most.
Growing up is a difficult thing. I used to think of it as the key to freedom. To a certain extent, that statement is completely bullshit. It is not the key to freedom as we have no freedom to choose at all. We are being pushed around, forced to make options we dislike and live in a life where we often feel like escaping 24/7.
We're doing fine, I know. Our studies going well, family's doing fine, money is here, car is here, campus is still standing tall. My friend's mom used to remind her daughter to be grateful. "Just think about the Japanese people after the tsunami. Be grateful we don't have to experience the same thing."
Me and Nadzi would laugh helplessly at it. That is so not helping. Of course we are grateful. We never complain about any inadequacy in our lives. But when we are unhappy, there is nothing we can do to change it. It is the truth.
Waking up to the same expectation every day, with the same routine and similar attitudes from the people surrounding me. I can't help but to wonder - what are their true passions in life? Because when I see them, I feel no spirit. No life. No excitement.
We are slowly becoming robots, absorbing every piece of information we know in order to survive every paper in order to obtain that one damned scroll that our parents fight so hard for.
This is our parents' fight. They want this so badly. And to think that they'd sigh in disappointed if we fail - that alone is enough to keep us pushing our butts up. Just for the sake not to make them think badly of us.
My fight is not yet to come. What I am experiencing now in life - I don't think this is it. This 'life' I'm having right now is perhaps the most important stage of my life in determining my future stability and so forth but, in thirty years time, looking back, I don't think I'd tell my children that this is the life-turning moment of my life.
The life-turning moment of my life is when I can finally practice what I preach. "Be what you want to be," Disney's stupid teen characters would say. Remember all the Disney Original Movie shits which basically injected our minds into believing that life can really go the way you want it as long as you totally believe in it?
I wish they could just put up a warning beforehand - "only applied to the rare cases of understanding parents, societies and brave, brave selfs, though."
Haha. I am not brave. I don't work that hard. I take things for granted. I want to be a novelist but I never finished a novel my whole life. I want to be a writer but I never send any magazines any of my writings. But I am working hard to not be lazy and at least finish this degree with at least agreeable grades.
That is the least I can do. At the end of the day, we still need to feed ourselves. And money is vital to that.
Harsh reality. Ouch.
A meaningless post. I know. Just not feeling intellectual lately.
Put me in jail now. Please. At least I get free food. And more time to write.
[kudos to MJ for photoshopping d 'legendary' pic]
Ruby Jusoh breathes hard and returns to her notes. And begins banging her head on the table until she bleeds - in her mind, of course.
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