Acceptance

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Acceptance is when you stop feeling hurt. That way, you handle emotions more rationally, unexpected events more calmly.

Selfless love is almost impossible at the earlier stages. But the time will come when you expect nothing more than to see the person you care for alive, well and content. Other desires that naturally arise from time to time would slowly fade into insignificance.

To reach the stage of acceptance is not easy. Could take months, years or even decades. But I believe it will come to everyone who is seeking for resolution. It sucks. You suffer like hell. Your beliefs in life were shattered into pieces. The process was torturous.

Then you had no choice but to re-evaluate the source of your pain. The source that justified your refusal to accept reality in its most reasoned light. Why do you refuse to bequeath the acceptance? Are you expecting some reward out of your loyalty and filial piety? But if it's love... does the issue of reward comes into the picture at all? Should you even be expecting rewards in the first place?

Love is not a transaction.

Doesn't true love mean that you care for that person so much just to see him happy? His happiness in itself is a reward for you.

The most important relationship in life is between two human beings and how they connect with each other - in example, A and B. What matters in the relationship is that A loves B and B loves A. Now, what if C comes into the picture? Or D? And D hates A? And C hates B? Then how are A and B supposed to love each other when there are so many hatred and misunderstanding around them?

It took me quite a loooong time to figure this out - what matters is only A and B's feelings for each other, how A perceives B and vice versa. If they truly care about one another, then influences from other people could not affect their relationship. If A chooses to love B, then nothing matters so long as B is happy and content. If B loves A as well, then that's great. Their love could be expressed. But what if A loves C, too?

Hmm.... here comes the difficult part - The ACCEPTANCE.

This is the stage where you question everything including the worth of A's love for B and how much it is in comparison to A's love for C? Would the worth of B's love for A lessen upon the knowledge of A's relationship with C and perhaps, other people in A's lives? B would begin to feel abandoned. Betrayed as if his/her love was in vain and overlooked. All the emotions B spent in A had been thrown out of the window just like that. Meaningless.

The rebelling stage then arrived. B tried hard to convince his/her heart that he/she does not love A, or chose to stop loving A. That would be easier. Once you stop loving someone, you stop expecting something in return - ie, his love - and whatever he does to you has no value at all. You'd figure - rather than embracing the possibility that A has no love for B, it would be much safer to train B to not care about A at all. When A ceases to have meaning for B, so does his love.

B tried. And tried. Two outcomes could be produced from the process - 1] B succeeded. A ceases to have meaning in her life. She regains her emotional investment and move on or 2] B realized that she had entered into a stage where B's love for A never ceases. By that time, B realized that her love for A could not be stopped solely because of C's presence and she had been living in denial all along. So B decided to continue loving A, this time, with a more rational voice commanding her actions.

She should not expect A to act in a manner based on her approval. She should not expect anything from A unless he was willing to give it. Imposing duties on him just because of the bond they shared would constitute as unwilling actions. B would love A, without expectations and be happy when B sees A happy.

What about C?

Not much longer than that, B realizes that A loves him/her notwithstanding the fact that A also loves C, D and other letters in the alphabets. And B is happy. Because B has A's love and A has B's. A's love for C or D - it does not matter. If they are A's genuine feelings, then A should not be stopped from loving other people. B could also love other people. Because a human heart has that wide of a capacity.

The fact stands strong that B's love for A is only for A, B's love for a Z is only for the Z, A's love for B is only for B. Humans love other humans differently. People treat other people differently. And the same thing goes with love.

Other people may come around to cause mixed feelings but sooner than later, B would naturally be aware that those have nothing to do with the love she has. Because B knows that the love in her heart is the only thing that matters. It is the core element of her soul that connects her to A. The connection shared by the two of them.

The simple questions on how you should treat a person you love but hate to love are...

1 - Do you love him?
2 - Do you want to see him happy?
3 - Do you feel happy when he is happy?
4 - Do you want him to be surrounded by people he loves?
5 - Would you suffer if he does not behave according to your expectations? [Each human being should be given an independent choice on how to live their lives. If you are against that, then... that is not a very good thing..]
6 - How much more do your need from him to satisfy your heart? [Attention - HEART, not the society, family, culture, religion and other extraneous factors]
7 - If you have one last day to spend with him/her, would you choose to treat him with LOVE or HATE?

Man, this is some serious shit I am writing... Hahaha, quite confusing as well. I can understand you. It took me six years to figure this all out and came up with an almost-reasonable explanation.

Why? Because I need to understand and evaluate how people love and more desperately, how I love the people I love.

To the people I love whom I treat with love - I love you. To the people I love but have difficulties in treating them with love - I am sorry but I really do love you. Just have some troubles with expressing my emotions. Humans make stupid mistakes. To the people I don't love whom I treat with love - well, most likely there are some very dirty intentions behind it. Hehehe *joke*




Ruby Jusoh is reminiscing her younger years. A life-altering incident occured today. Strange and sudden. She was no more a rebellious angry teenager with daddy issues. Instead, she turns into a calmer young lady who tries to face any crisis and real-life drama with good manners, rationality and of course, love and affection she has for the people around her.

I sound old. Duh.