So, There's This Thing That I Want So Badly...

In fact, I've been wanting it for quite a while.

All the time, I know I will never get it. Still, I want it. I want it so bad. No matter how calm and rational I am in handling my wanting, I still find myself - at the end of the day - yearning for it.

I can live without it. It is not much of a big deal. I move on with life, which is unchanging without it around. The wanting stays. I am waiting for it to leave, disappear and fade away. I have been very patient with it. Perhaps because I am aware that the wanting is irrational. It stems from something spontaneous to the borderline of being stupid. Thus, as my mind tends to overpower the feelings of my heart, I will get over the wanting.

Yet, I still want it. I still think of wanting it. I still think of it and all the wonderful things that are attached to the wanting. Imagination runs wild, thinking about the beautiful happy things that do not exist. It is wonderful, the feelings borne of delusional thoughts.

I think in two or three weeks, the wanting will die down.

And my hormones will be regularized.

And my state of mind restored to its original health, untainted with the rush of disappointments forced by the ugly reality I am living in.

I miss being bitter. All these hopeful optimistic happy thoughts inside my head are killing me.

Damn.