Friends

I deem friendship in very high regard. It is one of the most important thing in my life. In the absence of a lot of supposed great things one should have, my friendships have saved me from going downhill so many times.

I am not a likable person. Despite loving myself so much, I have many flaws I need to improve. My mouth and things that I say should really be rehabilitated. I say mean things. In super loud volume. I curse. I can be harsh in my manner. I am hasty. I say things without thinking only to regret them later. Sometimes people are offended of my words and I don't usually apologize out of awkwardness.

However, if they happen to be my friends, it is much easier to express how sorry I am. Because with friends, I believe that there should be no emotions concealed. You say what you want to say to them. You are supposed to be able to say what you want to say to them. "Dude, I'm sorry but I was mean to you. Whatever happens, I love you so fucking much." It took me quite a while and a few tragedies to finally deem that such affectionate terms should be expressed more often.

I have great friends. Even when they're away from me, I miss them so much. I don't tell them that many times. But I do miss the times we hang out together. Especially considering now that I have just completed my bachelor's degree. My friends and I, we are moving towards different paths in life. Somewhere deep in my heart, I refuse to let go of my old life. Not because I don't want to grow up but because I detest the thought of not seeing the people I have grown to love so much anymore.

Why do I love my friends? Because they stick around me, knowing the kind of person I am, being aware of the flaws I possess. At times, it is hard for me to even like myself. After committing what I deem a terrible mistake, I beat myself up, saying how I could be so stupid. But having my friends around, they make me realize that despite the mistakes, there would be people who would be there when I need them. To hold my hand when I cry, to laugh at stupid lame jokes I made. It might be a small thing for some but when I see that people care about me, it feels really amazing and wonderfully odd. I keep asking them mentally, though not verbally, "do you think it's really worth it to love me?" Maybe I'm insecure. However, to have someone who loves and supports you without any blood relation or romance, for that matter, is quite extraordinary.

So yeah, that's it. I miss them. Dear Ruby's friends, she misses you guys so much, it fucking hurts.

*over-caffeinated and slightly depressed*