European films are my favourite type of films. They are not the best - Iranian and Japanese would be serious contenders - but I personally find European films to be very enjoyable. The silence and contemplative mood made an impression to me as a young girl of 18 years old. And that was almost ten years ago.
So I went to watch Cloud of Sils Maria, a film starring the great Juliette Binoche, with my friend Shu Ruei at Cinephilia KL. It was unexpectedly a long but rewarding film. A bit draggy but every scene was able to surprise you with its importance and relevance to the plotline. Every scene was somewhat necessary to the development and revelation of our main character, Maria Enders, played by Binoche. She played an established actress who had to revisit the play that propelled her to stardom two decades ago. A stubborn being, she felt challenged by the various interpretations of the play by people around her - her assistant, her director and her co-star.
There were a number of things that my friend and I found to be particularly meaningful about the film. The lack or absence of boundaries between the characters' private and professional lives was the one that I noticed the most. One is an actress, another a personal assistant. They were constantly around each other, one rehearsing and another coordinating former's life. There did not seem to be any moment where they were allowed to shed their professional selves and return to their personal existence. They remained who they were within the confines of that identities throughout the film's two hours.
I find that quite disturbing and exhausting. It is always expected for us, as societal beings, to be completely devoted to our vocation. We pour in our heart and soul. Only those who struggle would achieve greatness. However, in a mamak eatery session after the screening, I asked a question to a friend of mine - "what are we without our vocation? Is our existence cease to be without it? Without what we call 'work', what kind of humans are we?"
I then pointed out the importance of having a public and private space. Living life as a Malay Muslim in Malaysia, I find myself navigating my choices in both quite differently. To be free, I accept the limitations imposed on me and find alternatives. Whatever that should not be made public, I keep it hidden and vice versa. I have also learnt to embrace that I would never be truly free. Therefore, I make do with what I can get. To have a private space and escape the restrains of the outside world - a known Muslim through my headscarf - is a joy I find painfully rewarding. Space is the keyword. In life, you will encounter many spaces that do not allow you to be you. To find a place - or to make or buy or conquer or find it - where you feel safe and secure in your identity or multiples identities has thus turned into a mission paramount to your existence.
The difference between both worlds - one that does not necessitate multiple spaces and one that does - is striking. Is it the geography or the culture? Are we repressed as a society that we find release in closed doors? For now, I believe it is generally caused by a culture that is influenced by religions and ethnicity - a culture that enforces rules that you follow mostly voluntarily because you know it somewhat benefits you yet denies you your liberty for you know absolute freedom is most likely a myth or a concept that leads you to lose control of yourself. Contradiction at its best.
Law and order has that ability to provide one with a sense of structure. To have a yearning to be approved by the society is what compels me to create boundaries among my multiple identities. It is the only way I know how to deal with the limiting circumstances of my life and find happiness and be satisfied at the same time.
- Check out Cinephilia KL for information on film screenings that will blow your mind away.
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