It Seems Like A Divine Thing

I never really got to say congratulations to the latest newlyweds in my life – Dani & Kak Farah – for their wedding on July earlier this year. I attended almost every ceremony of it due to the kind invitation of my best twin friends – Hana & Hanina – of whom family has always treated me like one of their own. It was a very nice wedding – great families assembled together, expensive event expenses, great flowers and yummy yummy food. All in all, I felt not an inch of displeasure attending it [save for my sprained ankle, of course].

The part I like most in the wedding?

The akad nikah. Where the male would agree to the wedding vows read by the tok kadi.

I was there. Observing the simple ceremony in a watchful manner, I could not help but to be amazed by this simple yet nerve-wrecking act of reading the simple declaration and agreeing to take supposedly-lucky lady as your wife.

The groom would always try to wear his calmest face. No surprise, sadness, happiness – just a very attentive expression indicating that he is ready to live with the notion of being committed and loyal to his partner. He seems prepared as he shakes the tok kadi and the bride’s father’s hand. Almost half an hour later, Dani and Kak Farah were pronounced ‘husband and wife’ officially based on the Islamic law.

There they were. Married.

A foreign idea, looking at it from my perspective.

But then, why did I feel like it was the most beautiful scene I have ever encountered in m life?

How can one thing be so repulsive yet so attractive?

My idea of marriage? I’m pretty much still in between. People say it’s a natural thing wanting to marry but I say that’s not wholly accurate. Some people may not freak out with the idea of being unmarried for the rest of their lives. Jane Austen was unmarried, so did more than a dozen others. The definition of happiness does not lie in the notion of being married. We would still have families, friends and the chances of adopting children if ever you get lonely is always there.

Every time I raise the issue of non-necessity of marriage, my father would often say – “mana boleh macam itu, berdosa nanti [you cannot think as such, it’s sinful]”. I notice that people often think that religious argument would work in influencing one’s mindset but that cannot be applied to some of us. If we want it, we want it and if we don’t, try as we might, we cannot change our inclination.

It is not that I refuse to believe in marriage – I just have the opinion that it is okay for me to be unmarried. The idea of being a spinster doesn’t seem that bad in the 21^st century. Lots of things can be done – travelling, learning new stuffs, open up businesses or commit one’s self to charity. There are many mediums for us to feel satisfied and content with life.

And based on my and some of my friends’ personal experiences, marriage does not promise happiness.

But the idea of having someone who trusts us and accepts us the way we are – it is indeed very inviting. Don’t we fantasize about it sometimes – this lovey dovey thingy? Don’t we always ask our friends what type of guy do they like? And don’t we very well realize that it is almost impossible for the ‘right’ guy to come along? Even hard cold facts are not siding with us now. The ratio of girls to guys in an average university class is twenty to seven. Too many girls, too few guys. And I doubt most of us would be attracted to guys with a lower level of education than us. Choosey much?

I associate myself with mostly self-sufficient friends who have similar ideologies as me. But then, even they are more optimistic in believing that when the time comes, the right guy will appear in your life.

Guess the right time never came for Jane Austen.

Marriage is a divine thing for a few reasons. First, it is rare. Second, hard to be achieved. Third, it needs real thinking with lots of time and preparation physically and mentally. Fourth and most important of all, it changes our lives literally – from ‘me’ to ‘we’. Our life won’t be defined by just us alone. There is going to be a permanent companion who has to be considered in every of our decision-making process. We must always be aware of how he/she might feel if certain actions are taken by us. And we would also be affected by his/her action. We become an item – living together, growing together, developing together...

There is not much space left for your bitchy and self-centred selfish self anymore...

Hmm... Now that’s a problem...

That is exactly why I’ve always the idea that married people possess a certain degree of admirable patience within them – staying together or not staying together. I know two married couples who are currently living apart due to work reasons. The husband is in Japan and the wife is in Africa. The husband is in Australia and the wife in Malaysia. I really do wonder how they make it work. But both couple seem happy [but I know there must be big and small obstacles here and there – that’s life]. Of course, thanks to the advanced technology nowadays – with Skype and Facebook, every medium of communication is possible. They talk with each other every day, I’m sure. But the ‘living apart’ part – that must be hard. But they manage to cope. So I really do admire these two couples in my life. They are among the very few living proofs in my life that in some corners of the world, love exists and marriage can actually give you happiness.

I know it sounds cheesy coming from Ruby Jusoh but well...

We cannot be bitter all the time. We should allow ourselves to be elevated to that ‘la-la-land’ sometimes. Right, Tiqah, Nadzi?

Ruby Jusoh is feeling a deep urge to go watch a movie entitled ‘Going The Distance’ starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long