emotional art, lifeless life

i am now studying the connection between a creative mind with its creative productivity... painter with his painting, writer with his writings, poet with his poems, designer with his designs.

do their creativity flows in naturally, all the time? or perhaps, there is a certain something in their life needed to trigger that creativity?

creativity is a subjective thing. it is deeply uncertain. one day its here, one day it isn't.

for example, X likes to compose music but he had not for a long time. then he met Y and fell in love with her. there's this crazy flow of intensity compressed inside him that needs a medium out. he releases the intensity through music, through his songs. therefore, the songs are the products of his feelings.

X needs to feel love in order to compose love. X needs to feel yearning in order to compose yearning.

perhaps it's a cheesy theory but it has proven itself solidly throughout the bloody century.

John Keats was an English Romantic poet famous for his love poems. he died fairly young, when he was 25 years old. the most productive years of his life could be surmised in a love affair he had with his fiancee named Fanny Browne. he composed quite a number of beautiful poems inspired, if not dedicated to her. one of them was a sonnet entitled-

Bright Star, would I were steadfast as thou art.

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art —
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like Nature's patient, sleepless eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors —
No — yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft swell and fall,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever — or else swoon to death.

the love and passion he felt for he expressed it through the written forms of words. that is what a poet does.so if he had not fell in love with Fanny Brawne, the poem wouldn't probably be written.

it is a scary thing to realize that in various forms of art, such dependence on our emotional intensity is needed for us to produce artworks.

so if we're happy and calm, chances are our creative flow won't be as good as it is when we are miserable and depressed.

Kurt Cobain was a major cocaine addict who killed himself with a gun at the young age of 27. his life was a roller coaster ride [deathly version]. he rose to fame, hated fame, loved and hated his wife, drugs and a bunch of other shits surrounding him. yet when it comes to music, he ruled! Nirvana's songs have their own souls. Cobain was akin to a storyteller, narrating his thoughts through words and melody. i still have a hard time believing that Nirvana's poetic songs were mostly created by a man as damaged as him.

a bunch of other musicians share similar dramas in their lives. yet it has not effect their creativity. instead, the creativity grows.

so i guess there's an equation to art.

PERSON + EMOTION = ART

why am i writing about all this bullshit all of sudden? well, it's because i have not been feeling very creative these few weeks. i love to paint but i have not the adrenaline to do it. there is no intensity happening in my life. it's calm and problem-less. there is no story to be told, no emotions to be expressed, no intensity or stress to be released.

i'm fond of art. i've even considered to make it my career when i was a teenager if not for my parents. i hate their narrow-minded views on arts but they are just being realistic. "art cannot promise you anything," they used to say.

art is like a lover.

a playboy one whom you cannot trust. you love having him around because he's interesting and adventurous. he makes you feel different and confident. he lights you up. it becomes a sort of an addiction. face the fact, we hate boring lives. but at the same time, art can leave you anytime he wants. especially when he realizes that the inspiration inside you has ran out. then he would go to someone else, someone whose inspiration he could cling to.

you, then, would be left alone. just when you're starting to feel comfortable around him, he leaves you. he hates boring lives.

and right now, i am living one dull life. no adrenaline. no intensity. no fear. no roller-coaster emotions.

art baby, come back to me when my life begins to crumble. i'll be waiting...

Ruby Jusoh is missing the dramas in her life. she hates trouble but needs him around. if trouble stays, then art will visit her sooner than she imagines...