Conservative Muslim people have some very odd views on marriage, especially the wifey role. It's that odd that I felt like puking.
I find several internet sources discussing islamic matters to be very gender biased. but seriously, isn't that public knowledge already...? Most of the articles about sinful acts are so focused on women. Women in society, women in marriage, women as leader and women everywhere.
They keep talking on how women fail to cover their aurat properly that they keep being harassed by men for supposedly exposing themselves. Simply putting it, they blame the women on the sexual harassment they receive from the opposite gender. Why blame other people for being raped when you yourself fail to dress properly?
Weird, is it not on how rarely the male are being blamed for not being able to refrain themselves?
Ad no, less exposure doesn't guarantee more respect from the opposite gender. Read up on stuffs written by a number of arabian bloggers and you'll get what i mean. I remember my ustazah telling me on how men from the middle east cannot 'control' themselves as well as a normally-behaved man. so much for getting more respect if you cover yourself better. FYI, that only applies with sincere, respectful men, which are getting super-lacking these days.
Truth to be told, i've had enough with how the 'supposedly' religious sect of this Malaysian society always focused their attention towards women... Women wearing this is wrong, women behaving like that is ultra wrong. Like c'mon, stop stalking us already!
Ah, and don't get me started on how they love to preach on this wifey role. Since i was born until now, I have been force-fed with this ideas on how 'supposedly' beautiful the life of an obedient wife is. Newspaper articles, malay romantic novels, TV dramas. Most wives in such illustrations often play the passive role in the relationship - they sit patiently for things to happen. Betrayal from husband? They cry in silent, praying to God. Still, they never seem to have the intent of ever leaving them. Confronting them or take some action like leaving them. And they are awfully loyal. All wives seem to have that much time to cook at home even with a successful career. Not even KFC.
That is if the wife has enough brains to think. Some dramas idolizes on how great it is to quit your education and job after getting married. Serve your husband 24/7 until you die. The role of a wife is defined as being the caretaker of the home, the one who has to always wait for the husband to return from work. Then serve him some drinks, dinner and later at night, 'that'. Then they have kids and live happily ever after.
Except in real life, happy endings rarely occur. Such dependancy would bore the husband sooner or later.
As I scroll down my facebook homepage, I saw an interesting link at my friend's status which directed me to an article on how a wife regretting on her betrayal and disobedience to her late husband. So what is this huge betrayal she had committed into thinking that without her husband's forgiveness, she is sure to be damned in hell?
Yes, 'that'. apparently, the husband requested for 'that' the night before he died. Since the wife was too exhausted from work, she refused. She had no energy and fell fast asleep. Next thing she knew, the husband died in an accident. The wife was shocked. she felt as if she had committed the hugest sin of all and had no chance to ask for her husband's forgiveness.
My first reaction after reading that article? WTF... I wish to meet that woman in real life and tell her that if your husband was indeed a good husband, he would be understanding enough as to not coerce you into any unwanted sex. So then don't think too much about it. if he loves you, he'd forgive you for sure [though i still fail to detect any wrong in her action of politely refusing.]
But then of course, the article concluded far beyond that. As usual with all the islamic wifey articles i've read before this, it reiterates that the women should obey the husband in whatever he wishes because who knows, God may take him away the next day and you may not have the chance to seek forgiveness from him.
Again, it's weird... what about the forgiveness from the wifey part? doesn't it worth anything at all in marriage?
Some are gonna hate me for going against 'religion' [cultural practice and interpretation in actual] but these acts of putting most burdens on marriage on the wifey's shoulders - i could not possibly agree with that my whole life.
And the thought of allowing me to be subject to all that i.e. entering into a state of marriage - ughh, no. i don't think so.
But then, God always seems to have a way in proving me wrong.
Until I can rationally make a sense out of all these confusing ideas of marriage, then I'm staying intact.
Ruby Jusoh is hungry. Her grandmother is going for umrah today and she wishes her a safe journey. Now what should she ask her grandma to pray on her behalf? Good health? Good money? Good mental sanity? Good friends? Yup, basically she wants everything good.
I know how deep your sympathy is towards women rights..Instead of it I strongly agree with ur some opinions regarding on women rights as wifey..As a man I could feel that women always being to be put on blame in many aspect of life..For instances, women frequently judge as a reason of sins, wrongly behaviour and what so ever. Hence, there're much cases revealing various cases of either husband or wife. In this case, who is likely to be blame?.In addition to this someone who does not obey his o her duty as wife or husband should be blamed. For examples nowadays husbands are popular to against any islamic law, as a role model they stranded away from basic islamic law or islamic marriage law by disobeying any responsibilities as a husbands, even more worsen when they becoming involved in immoral activities such as drugs, women and so on. On the other hand,no stereo typing towards gender the obvious thing is every subject has it's own mistake and stupidity. Husbands should accept their mistakes and also can be put on blame while they also have sins. Indeed, everone can be blamed on. Frankly speaking the author is most feminism but my advise is do not against Allah law by hating marriage..Prophet Muhammad says ''Marriage is my 'sunna' someone who hates it they're not my group and absolutely far from blessing"
ReplyDeleteThanks for ur opinion. I really do appreciate it. It has been most constructive for me. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't hate the idea of marriage from every perspective - just from the perspective of the society I am in. Marriage, based on Islamic principles, is indeed truly beautiful in my opinion. It's just that how the society acts towards constructing their own view on marriage which frustrates me from time to time. Some of the males I am acquainted with are good husbands but most aren't. In most cases, women are often victimized. Therefore, it has been quite difficult for my part to have a positive outlook regarding this matter due to such reasons. And in truth, I still don't. But should I meet a truly happy and honest married couple once in a while, my pessimism does see a tint of light at the end of the road.